Subwise #7: Romance
This is the seventh Submissive Guide SubWise task, but babykat’s first. Luna gives out a topic to write about and the task is as follows - Write about the topic in your blog or online journal. You don’t have to have a blog to participate, for example if you have a FetLife account you can use your writing section, and other communities also have journal areas where you can post your response. Send Luna an email giving her the link to the blog post itself. Repost the list of posts from other participants within one week of when they are published on Submissive Guide. The topic carnival will be published on February 22nd so all submissions should be received by February 21st at midnight CST. Please feel free to let your friends know about this carnival. The more people that participate the better! The topic is:
Romance in D/s Relationships: What do you consider romantic? How is romance alive in your dynamic? Is it different than if you were in a vanilla relationship?
True, meaningful romance is something that’s very hard to act. If you’re not somebody that’s naturally romantic, the usual gifts can just seem meaningless and cliché. Once you’ve found the right person, babykat believes that romance will flourish from within you, whether you were a naturally ‘sappy’ person to begin with or it’s something that’s come about from the strength of your love. Although events such as first dates, anniversaries or valentines can give a potential reason to be romantic in a way that differs from usual, romance shouldn’t be something confined to those days, and it shouldn’t be that you ‘become a romantic person’ to show love on these days. Whether the way you’re romantic is through a letter, a gift or a physical act, it’s the fact that it comes from within you that matters.
Babykat, naturally, is incredibly romantic. Just as much as she likes to be the receiving end of a gesture, she adores doing the whole romantic thing as one of the ways in expressing her feelings. Being in love has enhanced that. Romance hasn’t been something that has made the relationship between her and Batling stronger as such, but it’s definitely makes it more intense. No relationship could survive on romance alone, if it lacked a deeper connection. But in a loving dynamic, romantic acts can make each day feel more special, each hour feel more precious and each person feel more loved. It’s simply another way of conveying strong affection for one another.
Babykat has spoken to Dom/mes who don’t believe that romance is particularly essential in a D/s relationship, but that’s something which is hard to understand. The fact that Batling and her share a romance, beyond a straight BDSM dynamic, has never held back the way she expresses her feelings during a session, or the desires she has about Batling’s actions towards her. BDSM isn’t what’s most important in the relationship, and babykat could never have developed the feelings she does for Batling if it was purely based on D/s play. To be honest, romance has meant that scenes are often harder and more intense. There’s no feeling that hard scenes are the reason Batling wants babykat, and she knows that Mummy will be there for her afterwards so she’s happier to consent. Part of romance in the relationship is not only the connection during a scene, catching love in Batling’s eye as she’s just about to hurt her girl, but after the scene. There are times, yes, when babykat needs to be left alone after a scene, whether in tears or purely for time alone. But more often, it’s about going into a scene excited about not only play, but intimacy afterwards.
Romance in babykat’s relationship with Batling began with the smallest of gestures. Since there was not, until recently, a recordable turning point in the progression from friendship to a D/s relationship, babykat felt it difficult to know whether it would be okay to express the feelings she had particularly romantically. She felt so strongly for Batling that it was something which came naturally, but she was anxious that it wasn’t taken as silly, unnecessary or over the top. Of course, now she’s realised just how similar her and Batling are, and given the chance neither one could hold back from romance.
In a loving D/s relationship, play sessions are not only about enjoying time together and the physical connection that you have, but a way of expressing your feelings. Just like, in a vanilla relationship, if you knew your partner loved diamonds you might buy diamond jewellery for them when you most want to show your feelings. In her relationship with Batling, it’s the interests that they share which provide one route into romance. Any relationship could be romantic through the usual gifts, but it’s when it’s unique to the two of you particularly that it feels so meaningful. With Batling, little innocent suggestions such as pillow fort building or a Doctor Who night sound so especially romantic because they’re things both babykat and her love, and the fact that it’s together or that one person has remembered specially is what makes it so great. Since the relationship is a D/s dynamic, however, other interests are somewhat different to those of a vanilla relationship.
The first flutter of excitement babykat felt was down to romance was a simple mp3. The first hypnosis mp3 Batling sent babykat, and the one that would make her feel closer to Batling than ever. It was less the content of the mp3 that was romantic, despite the feelings it gave babykat, but the act itself. Babykat knew Mummy had sat down to record with babykat in her mind, said those words with babykat’s needs as the starting point, and Mummy’s desires for babykat, and babykat alone, were the reason she was recording. It was kinda done as a way to make Batling feel closer and more special, not to mention for babykat to experience hypnosis first hand for the first time. The gesture made babykat smile and the content made her feel that little bit more adored.
So much of a scene with Batling is based on love, trust and mutual enjoyment that, in babykat’s eyes, even the most sadistic of scenes could be deemed romantic. Textbook romance is based on a strong emotional attachment, and there are few times that babykat feels more attached to Batling than during a scene. Sure, telling each other, writing poems, letters or even just hearing the voice of the person you love can reignite the spark of feelings you initially felt becoming so attached to them, but some days it takes a scene to reassure babykat just how close they are when she’s feeling down. It’s nothing to do with the physical element in play. Not purely because sex, pain, play or whispered words makes it physically feel better. In a hypnosis session, it’s the mental ties between babykat and Batling that are so strong. Hypnosis provokes intense emotions that vary greatly depending on the image Batling is painting.. but, no matter the topic, they are sessions which are definitely romantic. Not solely a romantic gesture, like a poem or flowers may be, since there are so many other reasons Batling indulges babykat in hypnosis, but definitely romantic of sorts. It’s Batling that evokes the feelings babykat associates with a trance, and besides all the feelings the specific session aims to provoke it’s Batling at the forefront of babykat’s mind. After all, she is completely in control.
It takes a lot, a whole lot of love to completely give your submission to somebody. Babykat could be the most submissive girl and, if she didn’t feel the way she does for Batling, still could not fully submit to her. It’s babykat’s belief that to fully give a Dom/me your submission, your heart has to be in it too. A part of the submission babykat knows with Batling is because she loves her. She can give her everything without feeling scared, even the submissive parts of her that are connected so deeply to her emotions, her heart. Sometimes, just submitting to Batling feels like the most romantic thing babykat could do. That’s not the reason why she feels particularly submissive some days – it’s just a part of her and often becomes a more major part – but giving Batling not only her body, but her heart and her mind too, that feels like something special, something sentimental.
Babykat’s relationship with Batling wouldn’t be the same without sugar-sweet romance. Babykat knows that Batling loves her whether she’s sappy or not, but whether it’s giving a scene an edge or making nights feel less lonely, true romance is something babykat adores with Batling.
